Zwei redone

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Zwei redone

Post  Zwei Freeheart on Thu Apr 15, 2010 9:34 pm

Negative Dark Energy [ antimatter version of dark energy ]
Zwei 's powers are a manifestation resulting from traveling through the soul stream.
What is being manifested is his extreme guilt, despair and remorse that he feels over his part in the extermination of his people.
This has been slowly eating away at his soul but results in the generation of huge amounts of negative dark power.
The power allows him to do the following:
- Attempt to lift curses with a high chance of success [negative dark power cancels normal dark power - RP effect ]
- Soul repair / healing [ heal spell but for souls ]
- Push / blast out a possessing soul / being [negative dark energy firebolt equivalent. This hurts demons / devils a lot ]

Since this power is Dark Energy any Holy protections against dark powers will block this.
Again this is a Dark Energy and Evil beings have no defense against it since it is just not NORMAL.


Last edited by Zweifree on Sat Apr 17, 2010 4:15 pm; edited 2 times in total

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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Zwei Freeheart on Thu Apr 15, 2010 9:35 pm

if anyone knows a better spell checker thing tell me

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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Kenelm on Thu Apr 15, 2010 9:57 pm

Neutral You didn't need to start a new thread, and your writing still looks like typed notes...

Spell checking software and grammar checking software can help some, but ultimately the typist must check themselves when it comes to properly written English.

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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Veleth on Thu Apr 15, 2010 10:19 pm

So.... he's not of Erinn.... but somehow his birthmark transferred over to his body.... which doesn't exist in Erinn... and it has some kind of 'holy' properties.
Does that sum up what you said?

It would be beneficial if you would write in complete sentences.
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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Temo on Thu Apr 15, 2010 10:24 pm

Again Zwei, I can't approve of it if it's a part of his body BEFORE Erinn. The soul goes through Soul Stream, not a person's body, not their weapons, nothing. It gets left behind and they get reborn into a new one. Gotta think of another way. Hope I explained it clear enough that time. Crying or Very sad
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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Captincrunch on Thu Apr 15, 2010 10:59 pm

If you need a hand just ask one of the commentators here to give some assistance in translating what you want into something that meets the writing requirements.
May I suggest that the birthmark NOT be the source but is actually a manifestation of the power itself on the body he occupies at the time?
A stain on the soul that leaks out no mater what, thus staining the vessel it resides in. clown
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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Zwei Freeheart on Fri Apr 16, 2010 11:30 pm

ok try to reword it

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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Temo on Sun Apr 18, 2010 10:08 pm

*Cracks knuckles*

Alright, I took a more thorough look over this and I have my verdict. Very sorry Zwei, but after several attempts at trying to help you get this right, I have to say

REJECTED


for the following reasons. And please read all the way to the end before crying about it. And make sure you've read EVERYTHING. CAREFULLY. If you're lucky you might get another chance at it.

Negative Dark Energy [ antimatter version of dark energy ]
Zwei 's powers are a manifestation resulting from traveling through the soul stream.
What is being manifested is his extreme guilt, despair and remorse that he feels over his part in the extermination of his people.

You need to study what antimatter is and check your vocabulary on this one. Or just come up with a new name altogether that would make sense. This is in no way related to souls, and definitely not in a way that would fix them. Furthermore, and this may be something to check with other people more familiar with the wonders of SCIENCE, wouldn't "negative dark energy" just be pure, simple energy?

This has been slowly eating away at his soul but results in the generation of huge amounts of negative dark power.

See above comment.

The power allows him to do the following:
- Attempt to lift curses with a high chance of success [negative dark power cancels normal dark power - RP effect ]

A) See above. B) Something like this is entirely up to the decision of the target. Which means the "high chance" thing would have to go.

- Soul repair / healing [ heal spell but for souls ]

Again, you need to rethink the name/wording of the overall ability. You're more likely to destroy souls than heal them. Razz

- Push / blast out a possessing soul / being [negative dark energy firebolt equivalent. This hurts demons / devils a lot ]

Naaaaaaaaame (see above again).

Since this power is Dark Energy any Holy protections against dark powers will block this.

This is probably the ONLY thing I can understand and get behind, but it still doesn't make sense with the skill itself. So I have to reject it as well, sorry.

Again this is a Dark Energy and Evil beings have no defense against it since it is just not NORMAL.

No. There's always a way around something. And "evil" is a matter of perspective anyways, so that's just too vague.

Honestly though, Zwei. You don't NEED superpowers like these in order to have a great character. In fact, being "helpless" in some situations could make you even better. In your case, I'd say you would be better off without any special abilities than with too. I mean, you've already got plenty stuff to go with in Mabi anyways. Your character's a dangblang Paladin. Doer of good, slayer of evil, all that noise. Work with it. D:<
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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Zwei Freeheart on Sun Apr 18, 2010 10:42 pm

Ask Capt O_O it wasnt my idea to be some dark thing i try to make sound like it something else

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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Temo on Sun Apr 18, 2010 11:19 pm

All the same, I'd highly suggest being without anything you'd tried making here. You'd be stronger for it it even.
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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Veleth on Sun Apr 18, 2010 11:33 pm

Perhaps you shouldn't be referring people to Capt, Zwei, for something that is about -your- character. You should know the inner workings not referring it to someone else.
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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Captincrunch on Mon Apr 19, 2010 8:14 am

Part of the confusion here Zwei, is that you keep editing your first post instead of posting an updated version further down in the thread.
Every time you rewrite the whole thing you loose some of the information you had posted earlier.
YOU might know exactly what you are talking about BUT anyone else reading it for the first time will be totally confused on what it is you are talking about.

Does anyone have a way-back machine to retrieve the original postings so we can fix this pile of mixed spaghetti, linguine, soba and poutine?

..........................................

Gate and crew, Zwei asked me to rewrite an updated proposal he sent me and based on what he sent me, I updated the grammar and logic to be consistent and make some logical sense.
I am sorely disappointed on how he just replaced his original post with this.

...........................................

I guess when it comes to logic I may have stepped into a realm where few fear to tread and any who do can easily get confused. Humanities majors should be careful when treading the halls of theoretical physics. The place is weird, smells funny and doesn't care much for the mass-marketed version of reality they feed you in high-school. There is more than one axes involved when looking at energy. There is the power one we are all familiar with, zero to 100%. There is the second axes in Mabi, one of light and dark, positive / negative alignment, evil / holy. Think about your own argument for a second, if it was just plain energy then there would be no light or dark energy to begin with. But we do have light and dark. Think of it as the x-axis and y-axes on the energy scale. What happens when we go into the (-ve) region of the energy scale? But there is no such thing as (-ve) energy you say. In the real world there is not any that we can readily experience or observe but we are talking math here and the math says otherwise. And this is where we get our ideas about anti-matter. Energy is just stuff that has no mass. If it had mass it would be matter and if if it had negative energy then it would be antimatter.

...........................................

Now on to picking nits with Gate tongue

I already covered the antimatter thing so lets leave it at that.

Saying high probability does not imply automatic.
The original text that was submitted implied automatic success.
This is worded towards a high probability but nothing in that statement implies the target does not have a say.
This has been covered in other submissions. So for consistencies sake I will have to disagree with your verdict on this and stay be the guidelines as written.

Most of the rest of your nay saying is based an your original premise.
Would you have rejected the powers he was asking for on their own merit?
That is something to think about.
Just because a premise is unclear to you and deemed worthy of rejection, rejecting everything else on that is throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

Also on that last note, the power of evil in Mabi is manifest and not some philosophical outlook based on a personal point of view, so EVIL as a matter of perspective is not 100% valid in this version of reality that is Mabi. EVIL is manifest in dark gods and those who call on the powers of darkness to their own ends. Dark wizards, etc.

...........................................

I tried to give a little help to Zwei here but he ran with it, tripped and did a face plant.
I mailed him the rewrite and he just posted it without asking any questions or arguing that I got his idea wrong.

Can some of the creative minds here lend a hand to our very enthusiastic but very short sighted protege?
I gave what help I can and now its time for some others to help Zwei turn ideas into words that convey what he is trying to say.
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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Darian on Mon Apr 19, 2010 8:54 am

Hmmm, maybe it would help if it was taken back to basics and take a look at what Zwei wants. These are gross simplifications because, well, what's the point in simplifying if you're not going to go full-tilt. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.

Simplifications: (I put these up in a ridiculously aimed attempt to bring everyone to the same page, hope it does that)

1) A way to ignore the effects of anything evil on himself. (If he can dispel this this stuff, it makes sense it would never affect him)

2) A way to dispel/damage anything that's an evil spirit. (Firebolts of Emo and curse removal)

3) A way to fix souls that have been damaged/cursed/possessed.

4) A way to have a power that has no weaknesses (except for holy protections, meaning that it's only stopped by defenses that it would never be used against anyways. I guess you could say 'fallen angel' but then you can just throw out 'fallen=unholy cause it says so in the bible' and get around it).


Suggestions:

1) Define evil. A lot of times people define what's evil as 'anything that doesn't agree with me'.

2) Find a different fuel source for your powers.

Depression and guilt are not good fuels for attacks against demons. Incubi and Succubi in particular are known to feed off these emotions. In fact, many different demons find anything having to do with mortal despair and agony to be like a gallon '5 hour energy drink' shot. And a *ton* of them come from Gaelic lore which Mabi is based off. Pick a different fuel for the power, or be resigned to the fact that you'll only beat those demons that feed off it if you can reduce them to a hyper-active giggle-fit.

Additionally, some demons in certain lore are in charge of such emotions. There are demons of despair and sorrow who specifically cause these emotions. In this case it would be like saying 'hey you, can you help me kill you?'

3) Fixing souls and removing curses/possessions. I actually don't like this one. The reason is because it's only purpose is to attempt to derail plots. Most people involve curses in the game in order to add a heightened sense of drama, having a handy-dandy power on hand to fix these things may make the characters who are possessed/cursed (whatever) happy, but shouldn't that sort of thing be up to the player who *is* cursed. Also, if it's easy to do, it's lame.

4) All of your powers are geared to hurt bad things. Monsters, demons, ghosts. And then you have a power that specifically states that monsters, demons and ghosts are not able to have a defense against it. I have just one word: "Shenanigans". Everyone get a broom. As stated above, if it's 'Dark Energy' at all, then demons should not only have a defense against it, they should be better at using it than Zwei is. He's just using 'evil energy' (or sad energy- "sadergy") for good purposes. My suggestion on this one is to drop it, or at least amend it so that it makes sense. Having an evil power that always works on bad guys, but never on good guys is like having a 'sword of healing' in a D&D game where the *only* enemies are evil extraplanars.

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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Temo on Mon Apr 19, 2010 11:26 am

*has been schooled* Cap makes good points and I apologize. I'm still very iffy about it though. Sad Liiam's worded things much better too.
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Re: Zwei redone

Post  The Kerrins on Mon Apr 19, 2010 5:26 pm

Liiam wrote:In this case it would be like saying 'hey you, can you help me kill you?'
I'm positive that this one is a quote from Slayers......
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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Darian on Mon Apr 19, 2010 5:37 pm

The Kerrins wrote:
Liiam wrote:In this case it would be like saying 'hey you, can you help me kill you?'
I'm positive that this one is a quote from Slayers......

That's right. Lina Inverse trying to explain to Gourry Gabriev why you can't use black magic on demons in the 1st season. Good eye!

I want to offer further suggestions but all I can come up with is: "give up on these powers, now". I have absolutely no say in what gets approved and what doesn't as far as powers go and this is just my opinion but I think you're trying too hard to be cool. The reason I'm saying to give up on them is because I think you'll end up disappointed in the end. All the demons you fight will dodge your Emo Beam and all the cursed people will choose OOCly to keep the curse because it's their characters story and to have it end makes the character's point kinda moot (ask Crusade about this). Ultimately, I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment and others up for annoyance.

Having a 'Super Weapon vs. Bad Guys that can only be defended against by Good Guys' is less of a power request and more of a cry for help. I know I've got a couple uncoded powers myself so I don't have much room to talk, but here's a question: Zwei, why do you want these powers in the first place?

If you *really* want to have a power-set that's different from the norm, what I suggest is adapt coded Mabi powers to what you have. Want a Sad Blast? Rank up Fire Bolt to R1 at least and that way you can argue it's not as easily dodged. Want a Mega Depressed Blast? Get Fireball and rank that too. Want to be an expert at removing curses? . . . I really can't help you on that one, since I don't think it'll be worth it to have a power that no one will want you to use. I'd pick something else on this one but rank the hell out of Healing?

But again, I don't think these things will make you happy as a player, I think that you should ask yourself what it is you're hoping to get out of these and to look for a deeper answer than 'it's awesome'. After all, I've seen you state several times that Zwei was happy-go-lucky, free-spirited and (for lack of a better term) genki. I'm just saying that such an insistence on this state is counter-intuitive to your desired power set.

Respectfully (because he'll get in trouble if he's not),

Liiam


Last edited by Liiam on Mon Apr 19, 2010 6:18 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Had further thoughts. (I know I shouldn't BUT I DID))

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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Xeek on Sun May 16, 2010 9:52 am

If he is using the new one, remove the old one?
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Re: Zwei redone

Post  Kenelm on Sun May 16, 2010 3:37 pm


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Re: Zwei redone

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